In today’s rapidly advancing digital era, it has become painfully clear that our teenagers are no longer sheltered from the perils of the online world. While we may have been aware of this teen safety issue for some time now, the prevailing attitude among parents and families has often been one of indifference or denial. They believe that such unfortunate incidents as cyberbullying or being “cat-fished” could never happen to them.
Let me begin by saying..…unless you expect your child to never be on the internet, don’t be fooled into complacency. In my practice, I’ve had conversations like this one with parents about their 11-year-old:
Parent:
“Oh, she is never allowed on the internet except on the family computer in the kitchen where I can see her”.
Me, asking the 11-year-old:
“When was the last time you were online, or on the internet?”
11-year-old:
“Oh, yesterday. On Bri’s phone after school, before mom picked me up. We were watching Tik-Toks”.
Are you starting to grasp the severity of the situation?
Unless you’ve managed to live in a bubble, completely cut off from the outside world, it’s time to abandon the notion that shielding your children from the internet will keep them safe. Even the most secluded home-schooling families, residing on remote farms, eventually encounter others who have internet access. Consequently, it’s important to teach online safety to your children at an early age.
It is, however, a process.
You might be asking…..
If adults can be extorted online, is there even hope for the children?
YES, there is! But YOU, as a parent, must do the work. Building a healthy confidence in your child and ensuring they know, ABSOLUTELY KNOW, that they can come to you when they are scared or feeling threatened is of extreme importance.
Even without the internet, children and teens can easily become victims of bullying and abuse if the correct boundaries are not in place. The internet has only compounded this by unbelievable magnitudes.
It’s important to realize that even the channels you may think are OK (like YouTube kids) has been infiltrated with scary and harmful videos. For example, there are innocent-looking videos with content that is not what you would expect.
Content such as self-harm, mass shootings and sexual abuse. Surprisingly, this content is in the midst of videos that genuinely teach and entertain children.
Let's lay down a few facts
Social media use now starts in children.
Increasingly, parents use videos to entertain children even as young as a few months old. This shouldn’t be, but it is.
The Internet is so much more available than ever before.
Many remote regions in the world now also have access. As an example, I recently traveled to Uganda to visit family. While there, I had to stop and marvel at a cowherd (a teenage boy) standing on top of a rather large ant hill. He was there to “catch the Internet”. He was leaning on his stick, watching YouTube videos. The cows were grazing peacefully around him. He did not notice me until I was right at the base of the ant hill. Scary for the cows. And for him. 😊
Online engagement/video watching/texting is very distracting.
We’ve all heard of major, avoidable, catastrophic events that apparently resulted from these activities. Car wrecks from texting while driving. House burned down because the oven caught fire when cooking was forgotten. Toddlers and young children drown or otherwise injure themselves because the adult watching them was distracted by an online activity.
Advertising to children and teens is a multibillion-dollar industry.
Children are uniquely vulnerable to this kind of persuasion. Exposure to these ads often leads to unhealthy behaviors like poor food choices, use of tobacco products and vaping, or alcohol and marijuana use.
Influencers
A whole new genre of online stress for children and teens. Following influencers can easily lead to unhealthy feelings about self. It’s terrible to see a child’s self-confidence eroded because they compare themselves to an influencer they follow.
Sextortion and cyberbullying are rampant.
Do not think for a moment this cannot happen to your child. Online groomers and sextortionists take their job seriously and have often researched your child’s online habits. If they target YOUR child, they have figured out their family and contacts.
The tragic story of Walker Montgomery in Starkville, Mississippi is a grim reminder that this could happen to ANY child. Walker was a regular 16-year-old who had just gotten his driver’s license. He went hunting with his dad, drove home, worked in the family barn, ate dinner with his family, prayed with his mother, and went to bed. He had a sextortion encounter that night and killed himself. Someone on Instagram cat-fished him, and then demanded money to keep from outing him.
Media and Internet Use: Both Risks and Benefits
Web-based applications are now widely used for a lot of schoolwork in higher grades. These applications are very helpful, but it’s amazing how distracted you can be when working with online tools. I am sure most of us are familiar with this kind of scenario:
Topic:
Planning a menu for a meal with friends. (Fun!)
Starts here:
OK, for an appetizer we will have… What was that lovely “carrot thing“ I saw the other day.
[Googles “carrot thing”. It is linked to a Facebook page.]
Oh, Lucie had her baby! So cute!
Wait, what is this about? A car wreck on Highway 55. How tragic!
[Reads about it.]
Oh, it’s Sam‘s birthday.
[Messages happy birthday to Sam.]
Oh look! Sam is going to college at SCAD! Good for him. I wonder where SCAD is?
[Googles SCAD.]
Oh wow. They have a major film festival there!
I wonder what new films are out.
[Goes to Netflix for 10 minutes. Nothing there.]
[Goes to Prime Video. Another 10 minutes.]
Wait. That carrot thing!!!!
In this scenario, how does ANYONE manage to get something done? Now, imagine how students (and your children) will handle this situation when trying to complete schoolwork!
My next post will discuss the health risks of excessive internet use as well as 11 tips to ensure online teen safety.
Enjoy the journey!
Doc Tibbs
🌷🌺🌻
REFERENCE
THE CYBERSMILE FOUNDATION
The Cybersmile Foundation is a multi-award-winning nonprofit organization committed to digital well-being and tackling all forms of bullying and abuse online. They work to promote kindness, diversity, and inclusion by building a safer, more positive digital community.
CORDS: Reflections on Weaving the Tapestry of Life
Dr. Tibbs' book is a powerful meditation on the meaning of family, identity, and community. There’s something beautiful about learning to love your culture and simultaneously cultivating in your children the awareness that everyone has a culture or heritage that is important to them.
Also available in a Kindle version.
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Hi Patricia, thanks very much for this piece. Very true, many of our teen children got exposed to all kind of sites during lockdown because they were studying on line. They have never been the same.
Thank you for your comment! Be sure to check out my next post about how to keep our children safe online.