A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother (Proverbs 10:1 ESV).
This ancient proverb was true when it was written and is still true today.
Before you get riled up, think about it for a moment. As mothers, we are intimately aware of perceived mothering failures. For women to internalize their children’s failures comes naturally. Women also boast about their children’s achievements but are more quickly depressed about perceived failures.
Here’s a common example:
Susan thought she could manage a quick run to the grocery store. Her 2-year-old daughter was quiet and content when she entered the store, but within 5 minutes, she had a full-on screaming fit in progress.
Susan tried a calming voice, she tried picking her daughter up but the child continued to flail and scream. If you have not encountered this scenario in the grocery store either as a witness or a victim, you have not been to the grocery store much. 😉
These are typical on-looker comments:
“What pathetic parenting. All that child needs is some sensible disciplining.”
“People should stop having children if they can’t manage them.”
“In my day, that child would have had a good connection between my palm and her butt. That would end that.”
Few would empathize and feel for the mom.
I’ve been in both places. Looking at a mom and thinking what people are typically thinking, even after being in that exact position many times. I have felt the shame of on-lookers judging my parenting skills. I have felt the anger at my child for embarrassing me. And I, like most moms, survived the episodes.
The truth of what goes on in those moments is most often a healthy dose of inadequate parenting skills and unreasonable expectations of the child. Developmentally, a 2-year-old goes quickly from discomfort from a small set of reasons to full-blown frustration because they often have an inability to communicate their problem. Mom, who cannot read the 2-year-old’s mind in the moment, is using the wrong set of skills to address the issue.
Mothering is a continuous process of learning. Never stop learning about the best ways to address behavior issues in YOUR particular child. Remember, it’s not the same for any two children. And if you already have more than one child, you’ve already learned this.
The Proverb seems to be putting mothers in a terrible position. It’s important to realize that this is more a reflection of WHAT mothers are….WHO we are in our children’s lives…..and how closely our hearts are bonded to the happiness of our children.
Enjoy the journey!
Doc Tibbs
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