Mothers Finding Balance: Meet Josline

I am a software engineer who works on contract in software development. I am also a Registered Nurse. Over the years, I have worked in one role or the other, and sometimes both at the same time. I have one teenage daughter. I live in Boston.

I have been amazed at the evolution of my child. I have never been a helicopter parent and I realized that with my daughter, it is not when I showed her how to do stuff that she learned the best. My daughter is very independent and learns best when she is motivated. For example, I tried to teach her how to cook, but she did not learn until she wanted to, and then she used videos on-line to teach herself. I have also been amazed at the difference in the environment that my child is growing up in. When I was growing up, I was punished if I did not obey immediately. I was never to ask why, and never allowed to discuss what I was told to do. I have mellowed out and learned to live with the fact that children these days speak their minds. One cannot just ‘whip their ass’ and think you are raising a child correctly. The child is not a maid, she is not at my beck and call. I recall being called by my own mother from across the house, and then asked to hand her an item that was on a table just out of reach. I tried this with my daughter, it did not work. I quickly realized that the type of parenting I was raised with is very different from my husbands. My daughter is much closer to her dad. To me, this is actually important, there is something wholesome about a daughter being close to her dad. It is okay, I do not feel the need to ‘fix’ this, my daughter is growing up to be beautiful inside and out.

In my culture, the ultimate success measure is to become a doctor, lawyer or Engineer. Children these days are finding their way. Success comes in many forms. I remember being slightly horrified that my daughter wants to do theater, or journalism. This passed quickly once I realized that I have only part control over my daughter’s destiny. I can advise, but ultimately, my daughter must choose.

I was stunned by how independent my daughter is at this age, and how she can get herself wherever she needs to go. She always talks about what she is doing, her dad especially is much better at this than I am. I admit that my learning curve has been steep. Some of my friends have not helped in my attempts at adapting my mothering style. One friend especially keeps telling me “you give that girl too much freedom. You have become so Americanized!”. It was such condemnation at first, and confusing. But then, one by one, this friends children began to make very poor life choices, not one of them ‘successful’ in their mother’s eyes. I am now very glad that I yielded to my husband’s counsel in this area. Ultimately, there is no formula. Children will be what they will be. Do not go about it expecting returns, let them do what they enjoy, expose them widely to people, places and things that are important to you. Success is not measured in cars, land or money. It is in how you experience things, in good moments that you create and that come from doing what brings you joy.

I have also had to do some developments in Uganda where I am from originally. My brother died young and left three children. I have supported two of the children financially. To help in this endeavor, I have helped them develop a farm. They farm pigs, rabbits and goats. I am trying to help them develop a self sustaining farm that includes a borehole for an independent source of water, and a biogas plant. They plan to use solar power to run the borehole for both potable water and all the water needed on the farm. They use rainwater harvesting methods but there is a long dry season during which they need an alternate source of water.

The biogas plant consists of deep holes in the ground where manure from the animals is fermented producing bioslurry and methane gas which is used to cook food. This is important because the use of wood for cooking fuel has been an important cause of deforestation in Uganda. Another area I have been actively researching is a protein source for animal feeds. They have been obtaining discarded fish intestines from the local market. This is cooked and fed to the pigs. This is not very sustainable, so I have been looking into rearing black soldier ants. This ant lives for 3 days, does not eat, but only wants water. During the three days, each lays 500-900 eggs a day. This larva (maggot) is a good protein source. I am also working on an IMO (Indigenous Micro-organism) system for the pigs. Pork and goat meat are heavily consumed in Uganda and are an excellent income source for my nephews.

I have a full life doing things that interest me. The farming methods and research are a passion. I also have a kitchen garden in my yard in Boston. I love the thrill of trial and error until I get results that have some use to better the lives of others and my family.

What would I tell younger mothers? I would tell them to embrace their role, change what does not work. Keep on learning.

Josline. RN. Software Engineer.

When Josline was talking about maggots with such passion, I was losing it. Growing up, my dad and brothers enjoyed delicacies like roasted grasshoppers and white ants. Many people are horrified by this. Caterpillars are a delicacy in some parts of Africa, like in Zambia. I’m not that brave. I will tell you though, the first time I encountered shrimp in my food, I was in a fancy hotel in Zagreb, in what was Yugoslavia at that time. I called the waiter and with some horror, informed him that there was a bug in my food. He was highly amused. I did make his day, I think. It is fascinating how each of our lives is so different and so rich, each in it’s own way.