Mothers Finding Balance: Meet Eva

I caught up with Eva in Baton Rouge. These are the highlights of our chat!

“My passion is design and ‘practicality’.
When I see a problem, the answer often comes to me immediately, and then I carry it out. These are often simple things and solutions to everyday problems, but sometimes it is of great consequence. I realized at some point that not everyone is gifted this way. Not everyone thinks like that. For example, I will look at an audit document and red flags jump out at me, often simultaneously with the solution. My background is economics. I usually ‘frame my world’ and then I ‘walk in it’. Sometimes the people affected, like my family, do not see my vision at first.

I also love design in every day things in life. Designs of things as simple as plates, or as large as houses. Ideas of how things flow in a home. Efficiency and functionality. I am always drawing up plans of something I visualize, and then I tackle it.

My teenage son had a hard time with rules and boundaries as he got older. Not that he is rebellious, but he felt like since he was older, the boundaries should change to accommodate him. This was especially so in the area of gaming. The rule about gaming in the home did not change just because he got older. I stuck to that one even as he had more freedoms. He eventually realized that while he is at home, certain rules apply. They do not change just because he went out and saw others who have different rules. It is not personal. It is just how we have chosen to do life. Now that he is in college, he let me know that he is amazed at how many college kids are addicted to gaming. Some of them even flunking out of school because of this. The structure he had at home is helping him frame his life at college.

I am very strong willed. My relationship with God has matured. When I first started listening to God, He first taught me how to accept ‘No’. I had to learn to heed when God says “no”. This is very protective, a front line, for me and for my family. When we do not obey, the price is often very high. I finally let go and understood how implicitly I need to trust God. I can now rest in knowing that the Lord guides my every action. Sometimes it is very simple things like “do not wear those shoes” or putting aside a task I think I should do when the Lord is guiding me to another.

For example, when COVID-19 hit and colleges were closing down, my teenage son was in college up north. He had to come home, and I had one weeks notice. I immediately went online to get him an air ticket to fly home. I got a clear message from God, “do not fly him home”. I thought, that does not make sense. How will he get home? I am not driving all that way. So I decided that I would ask my cousin who lives about 200 miles away to get him and keep him until things settle down. Again, the answer was “no”. As I was wrestling with what to do, an Ad came across my screen informing me that the rental car company we usually use is allowing teenagers his age,to rent cars so that they can get home. The amazing thing is that I should have been terrified by that. Close to 1000 miles of driving for a child who drove 5 miles to school every day before college, and had not driven since he went to college in the fall of 2019, except when he came home for the holidays. And yet, that was what I was to do. Even my son was concerned about that decision. I told him that is what the Lord said to do. He drove home safely, stopping at a prearranged halfway point to rest.

Two things struck me in retrospect. At that time, everyone thought it would all be over in 2-3 weeks. The world was living in 2-3 week blocks of time. If I had sent him to my cousin, he would have been stuck for months because everything literally began to shut down after that. The day he should have flown through Midway airport in Chicago, it shut down because of COVID-19 infection concerns. This was an amazing thing for my son to learn. He will be able to teach his children how to trust God.

This is a generational thing we are doing. I must be aware that my actions and words translate to the next generation. What I like, my children will like. For example, the love of country, love for my in-laws, their grandparents, aunts and uncles. If I lament and negate, I will change their attitudes. They need to know goodness in all situations. Sometimes we need to forget our circumstances because how I speak is important. God is a generational God. My words will pass on through the lips of my children for generations. Think of Paul in the Bible, he wrote many of his books/ letters when he was in jail. You do not see sorrow in his letters. He is praising God in his circumstances.

My hardest child raising issue has been the generational gap. My children do not approach God the same way I do. I can kill their uniqueness or I can enhance it. The Lord made us each different. My children will stand and fight for different things. Each of my 3 children reacted to “no” from me differently. Treating each child uniquely based on their temperament, and yet staying fair is quite a task. I was literally experimenting with my oldest daughter. She would accept a “no” and move on to the next thing, but then circle back at some point. My middle son always needed an explanation right away. And my third child, well, ‘he has rights’. He would quote me the law and then crack a joke! He realizes that when mom is happy, he is more likely to get his way. They are all different. Respect it. Bring out the best in each human. Each of us was sent to this earth at a different time. I am mom, but the Father sent this child. I must not let him or her spend energy fighting me instead of flourishing. Of course, I have more wisdom with the youngest.

What would I change? Well, I wish my husband and I had spent more time learning together. We could have been more united in our parenting. It is so important to do things together as a couple, and also as a family. This builds relationships. My husband works hard, he works a lot. He has a vision for what he wants for his family. Which brings me back to how important my attitude is, to see his calling and embrace that. But still, finding time to grow together is important.

I would tell the younger me to smile more. A daily dose of laughter is needed. Life is half profound, and half fun. Do all this in Christ and a beautiful design will arise.”

Eva.
Mother, Wife, Prayer warrior, Entrepreneur.

I have four children myself. What Eva says about each child being unique is very profound and important in terms of how we approach them. In my yard, there is a lamp post about halfway down the driveway. When each child was three years old, they were informed about the rule. “You cannot go past that lamp post without mom or dad”.
First daughter “okay”.
Second daughter “why?”
Third daughter “how far does the line go? Can I go past the lamp post over there on the grass?”
Fourth child, a son “what if I just happen to go an inch past it? A foot?”
My husband and I have often laughed about this and were actually looking forward to what the 4th would say, and then we about died laughing. This answer to such a simple question has been quite profound when we see how each child has embraced life in their own unique way. As Eva stated quite profoundly, do not, as far as it depends on you have your teenagers waste their precious learning time fighting you when they should be flourishing. Work on your relationship with Christ, and then depend on Him to guide you. Read the word for guidance. Do not chase perfection, look for grace in the journey.