A New Year…….

January 1 is such a grand time to make changes, make resolutions, take stock and do new things. 

It is wonderful how everything feels fresh with feelings of excitement and new possibilities. Even when you perceive (or know for a fact) that you had a hard year, the feeling of hope cannot be denied. 

The year 2020 was especially hard for many. I know mothers who lost children, husbands, parents, or close friends to Covid 19. It has been a tragic year for many. Job losses, sickness, isolation, loss of income, homelessness, or the threat of it, have been real for many mothers.

Whatever your situation, it is important to take stock and make plans. Even if your situation seems dire, it is important to sit down and plan. If you do not feel like you’re in the mental space to do this, you must start by getting there. Depression is real and should not be taken lightly. If you are reading this and feel like it is too much to think about, like it is all hopeless, you must first get yourself into a better mental place. Reach out right now to a family member, a friend, a counselor, or your doctor.

Right Now.

YOU are so worth it and very important to someone….or many someones. You owe it to yourself and those who love and depend on you to make some plans.

Never done this before? There is no time like the present to do it for the first time. Even if it is not January 1^st when you are reading this, you can start now. 

You should make plans in these 7 areas:

1. Bible reading and study

If you do not plan for this, it is much less likely to happen. There is something divine that enters into the busyness and wonder of life when you delve regularly into God’s word. The Lord actively invades your life, and you will sense His presence even in the most mundane activities.

2. Health and Fitness

Need to lose some weight? Be more active? Exercise more? Find something YOU like to do. 

My brother runs marathons, hikes regularly, and generally puts me to shame. I told him this year, I would try to emulate him. I would run one mile. He knows me. Guess what he said? “Running one mile this year would be an improvement.” He didn’t even assume I would run daily, weekly, or even monthly! I do not like running, but I DO love to jump rope. Biking on trails is a passion, too. 

Find something you love, and that is practical for you. I tell my teenage patients who often do not have options like a safe neighborhood, a gym, or exercise equipment that dancing is amazing. No, not the sedate leg shuffling some of us do on the dance floor. I mean active, wild, moving-all-limbs dancing. This can be done at home even with toddlers and young children around. 

Dedicate the time and then show up!

3. Food

Plan your meals. Cook at home. It is now so much easier to do this even for novices. There are so many “how to” videos/websites/books. 

You can even search for recipes based on what you have at home! I was so excited to discover this. It is so useful when you get home and all you have is a can of beans, whipped cream, breadcrumbs, and some bacon and lettuce. Yup. That has happened. 

Plan your meals based on the week’s activities, the children’s schedules, and your budget. If you will eat out, plan for this, too. It is amazing what this will do for your health and your budget.

4. Money

Have you ever done a budget? I am starting there because not many of us were taught this growing up. Money came into the home, people were happy for a few days, and then the money was gone days later. Family life gets really tense when there is no money or means to get food and other essentials for the home. 

Money problems are the primary cause of fights among couples and families, in general. The lack of money or resources is a major source of depression, stress, anger, fights, and crime. 

So where do you start? With a budget. Nothing will get better with your money woes until you make changes. Simple budget techniques and apps are plentiful. Find one and go with it. 

Two people I have followed and have good plans to jumpstart you are Dave Ramsey and Lynn Richardson. They both have amazing programs. Lynn Richardson has been a joy to listen to. Very practical and down to earth. Check them out.  Don’t “do nothing”.

5. Relationships

For mothers, your closest relationships are with your children and husband. Cultivate these relationships. Learn about your children. What gives them joy, and what distresses them? Have a plan for each child. Do not make a one-size-fits-all plan. Each child is endowed with different talents, needs, temperaments, and life paths. Each child has their own work that the Lord put them on earth to do. Guide them to this.

Cultivate and do your part in your relationship with your husband. It takes work to have a good marriage. Use energy for this relationship and pray for both your husband and children.

Friendships are important, too. Do not ignore this. Studies are very clear on the relationship between good friendships and our feelings of balance and wellness. Put energy into these too, but not at the expense of your children and husband. 

Do not forget extended family, especially grandparents who play a big role in the groundedness of children.

6. Your Children

Make some goals for each child. These do not have to be written down and formal, but you should have some in mind. 

What would you like to focus on? Is there a behavioral problem that needs to be addressed? Is there a talent that needs to be encouraged and built up? If you do nothing, changes will happen anyway. Things that must be done like school work will go on autopilot, but another year will pass with a talent not developed, or a behavior problem not addressed at its root. 

You must consciously make a plan to instill in children those things you feel are important. Things like church attendance, bible reading, cultural activities, extended family involvement, and extracurricular activities. It can be overwhelming to think about, but even a plan to play with your children more often or create times for more free play is BIG. Sit down with some good hot tea, or wine, and think it through. 

Pray over your plans and move forward.

7. Career/Work

All mothers should work. You must teach your children to be  industrious. Your work may be in the home, or outside, but there must be work. 

Over a lifetime of taking care of children, it has struck me how demoralizing it is to children if their mother does not have a work ethic. Do you complain constantly about your work/job/career? There are mothers who show no joy in what they do, and some who spend more time on social media than on the needs of their families. This is very distressing to children. Responses include anger, depression, frustration, withdrawal, and behavioral problems. Of course, there are other causes of these reactions, but if your children are exhibiting these things chronically, start by doing some self-reflection.

Make goals for your work/job or career. It is important to always remind yourself why you do the work you do. When you have your “why”, there will often be joy. When you see the big picture of where the work you do will take you and your family, it all becomes amazing even when there does not seem to be enough time, energy, and emotional fortitude to get it all done. 

One last tip:
Be sure to pray for each one of your goals.

Pray for your family. Bring Jesus into the lives of those you care about. Be blessed this year as you do the work God put you on this earth to do.