Overwhelm
The feeling of being overwhelmed is a common theme for mothers. We hear a lot about balance in our lives. Many of us look at other mothers who seem to “have it together”, and we feel like failures. It is important to realize that we are all human, and we all have struggles.
It is equally important to recognize that we will never be perfect. Seeking perfection is often the cause of a lot of heartache. We could have been done with something hours or days ago, but we want it to be perfect and so we stress. We are also very good at comparing ourselves to what others show on social media. What you see of others on social media is the best of themselves….. or it’s the narrative of themselves they WANT you to see.
Instead, do this:
Rejoice with the good that you see in others. Do not compare yourself with them.
You are in charge of the life you have. You are the only person you can control. The Lord is providential over everything in your life, but you must move forward with the best knowledge you have, and live your life on purpose. Ask good questions of yourself:
- What do you love?
- What are you incredibly grateful for?
- What would you like to change?
It is very important to identify your values. Base your decisions on your values. If money or time is the reason for your decisions, you will do a lot of things or a lot of busy work that does not matter. It will not matter tomorrow, next week, next year, or in eternity. When you have a sovereign, providential God, then the complexities of life begin to make sense. You will then be able to define your role.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV
Nothing works outside the will of God.
In Christ, there is no luck. Everything is God’s providence. My choices, my free will are incorporated in God’s sovereignty. Our freedom of choice does not change God’s sovereign plan. So, does this mean that we should just sit back and do nothing, since it is not in our control?
To live joyfully, I must cooperate with God’s providence. But, how do I do that? By living intentionally, using the gifts God gave me, by manifesting the fruits of the spirit in daily living. These are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23 ESV)
Now, you might be thinking, “You don’t know my situation. If you did, you would believe with me that there could not be a God. How can a good God allow terrible things to happen?”
Terrible things happen because man has free will.
Man is not a robot. Every person’s expression of free will impacts others. If everyone manifested their free will with consideration for others, suffering would significantly decrease in this world.
We are not there. Therefore, mothers need to live intentionally before their children. Show them HOW to love others so all men may choose Christ. Set goals and take small actions daily towards those goals.
But how do you take action?
You just decide and do it. If you fail, don’t stop there!
Too often, we are trying to make everything work, make things balance, do good for ourselves, our husbands, our families, and our children. Then, things don’t work out, and we give up.
One thing does not work, and we give up!
Think of a baby learning how to walk. If the first time they fell on their bottom they decided it was too hard, that would not be good. We are preprogrammed to try until we can. Babies do this.
Internal Drive to achieve a goal.
Have you watched a toddler trying to reach something they are not supposed to get into? This drive to achieve a goal is inside us. If one thing fails….or maybe just that one way to do things fails….change it and try again.
Sometimes, you have to think outside the box. Find someone to help you think. Often, a friend who is not emotionally attached to your failure can see it so clearly when you cannot.
When my children were young, I was in trouble trying to find child care in the evenings. My husband’s business peaked in the evenings, and I could not find a reliable nanny. Every time I thought I had found a solution, something would go wrong.
One evening, I was called for an emergency at the hospital. I was home alone with the children, ages 8, 5 and 2. The babysitter called and said she could not come. I was panicking! That day, I thought “Their Dad will be here in 30 minutes. It should be OK if I leave now.” Then, my next thought was what it will look like in the newspaper tomorrow: Local Pediatrician left three young children in home that burned down. Saying I was stressed is an understatement.
God sent the solution.
In God’s providence, the solution was so simple, and yet I could not have thought of it myself. My sister, who lived in Africa at that time, was praying for an opportunity to further her education. And I was praying for help.
My sister came to live with us and finished her college education. She was with us for 5 years. By then, my oldest was 13 and able to help with babysitting.
So, I was looking for evening help with my children. The solution that presented itself in God’s providence solved so many other problems that I didn’t even know I had. All this from prayer and thinking outside the box.
As you seek balance in your life, be intentional about the things you want to see happen. You may not know how you will get there. Once you frame the thought or the dream, you will find that you can think up solutions. Prayer and God’s providence go intimately hand in hand with your ability to feel at peace with all the bits of your life you must juggle.
Don’t try to “Do It All”
Sometimes, the solution is in delegation of a task, or dropping an activity all together. It could also be creating a helping team around you. Maybe it’s finding a buddy to share childcare with so you each have some rejuvenation time.
Do not forget: Your husband is an amazing resource!
I make that statement because men do not come at the child raising and nurturing task the same way women do. Do not be critical of your husband’s attempts to help.
When my husband helped 
My church friends could always tell when I was on call when the children were young. The kids would show up with mismatched clothes, hair askew but with a bow in place, the baby’s diaper on backwards. It was funny! And, most of all, it was truly heartwarming.
Don’t criticize.
I’ve noticed a common theme during newborn visits in my practice. A dad is trying to re-dress the baby while mom is critical of his efforts, which are often quite hilarious. This dad will not willingly continue to do this if his efforts are often criticized.
Always ask yourself this question: “How important will this be next year? What is the worst thing that could happen if the baby’s shoes are on the wrong feet? If the baby’s hair is not perfect?” If the answer is something like “The world will not end/no one’s place in eternity will be affected.”, then leave it alone. It is not important enough to destabilize your balance.
Take consistent, small actions toward your goals.
Live in the moment but with your eye on eternity. That way, you will not lose sight of the big picture: to live this life joyfully, to God’s glory, and to do intentional things that matter to you, your children, your husband, your family, and to the Glory of God.
Enjoy the journey!
Doc Tibbs
🌷🌺🌻
CORDS: Reflections on Weaving the Tapestry of Life
Dr. Tibbs' book is a powerful meditation on the meaning of family, identity, and community. There’s something beautiful about learning to love your culture and simultaneously cultivating in your children the awareness that everyone has a culture or heritage that is important to them.
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This was a very encouraging read! Motherhood is a humbling, albeit exhausting, adventure and it’s so wonderful to learn from others’ experiences. Thank you.