Building good relationships is really important for teenagers to feel happy and also to feel good emotionally. It starts with YOU having a healthy relationship with them!
You can help your teen by offering valuable guidance and being there as they figure out how to handle the ups and downs of friendships. And here’s how:
- Promote open communication.
- Teach empathy.
- Set boundaries.
- Be a positive role model.
Your involvement and guidance plays a significant role in shaping your teenager’s social experiences. It also helps them establish meaningful connections with their peers.
My own apprehension about the Teenage Years
When my oldest child was about to turn 13, I expressed my concerns about the upcoming years to a friend. I may have said something like this:
“Ugh, she’s almost a teenager. I’m really dreading this. I can’t wait
until she gets past this stage; you know how terrible THOSEÂ years
can be.”Â
My wise friend, who had several children and some in their teens, looked at me as if I had lost my mind. She told me the teenage years didn’t have to be terrible. In fact, she reassured me that they could be incredibly fulfilling.
Do you already have a strained relationship with your teen?
If the relationship with your teen is strained, it is highly likely that they will form unhealthy connections with their peers.
Do your teen’s peers have a stronger influence on them than you do? Are their peers’ voices drowning out YOUR voice in their head? If so, then it’s time to reassess your approach.
Why is this happening to us?
Take a moment to reflect on why your teen is no longer receptive to your guidance or unable to truly hear you.
If this change in dynamics is recent, it may be easier to identify the cause. However, if it’s been going on for a while, it requires determined effort on your part. Some big work will need to be done.
Correcting what you can and praying for things beyond your control are crucial during this process. It is important to recognize that some aspects you believe to be unchangeable are actually within your capacity to address.
Both Internal and External Factors can affect your Relationship
External factors are typically beyond your control. They include major life events in the family, like a birth or death, or a change in family finances. Internal factors include broken trust, absence of boundaries, or just generally not being present.
Being present goes beyond physical proximity. It does not mean just occupying the same room. It means actively engaging with them on an emotional level. In my practice, I often explain to parents that being present is like hugging your child at all times.
I can't be hugging my child all day, Doc Tibbs.
You are probably thinking this is very impractical. You have work to do, or they are away at school or at their jobs.
In addition, hugging is not a thing in many cultures and families. And then of course, there is COVID-19 that has changed hugging altogether.
The dictionary defines hugging as
- to clasp tightly in the arms, especially with affection; embraceÂ
- to cling to fondly or firmly
But there is yet another definition of hugging:
- to keep close to, or move along side of
Usually, this refers to staying close to the edge of the road. For example, hugging the side of the road. This is the hugging I am talking about; staying close to.
When this refers to your child, are you hugging your child daily?
What you CAN do.....PRAY!
So much is out of your control in terms of what could happen to your child on any given day.
So, pray for your children every morning, and through the day as you think of them.
Physically hug them if possible and is your thing. If it is not, do not force it. Your children know by all your other actions that you love them, and that you are important to them. If they do NOT know, physical hugging will not solve it.
But, walking alongside them could.
As you think of them, pray that they may have wisdom and kindness in all their interactions.
Pray also that God’s grace and providence covers them.
Pray for their safety.
Pray for your relationship with each one. Ask the Lord how you can do better for each precious life.
Then, go forth with joy and purpose in the work that the Lord has set before you. Know that while you are with them, you have done your best. While they are away from you, the Lord is caring for them.
Are you struggling?
If YOU are struggling with stress, depression, anxiety, or trauma, seek help for yourself first. Prioritize your own mental health.
In order to have the emotional energy to take care of your relationships, you must first address these stressors. Otherwise, you will be too drained to work on these relationships that are so important for your Teen Children.
Enjoy the journey!
Doc Tibbs
🌷🌼🌻
to have Healthy Relationships
Is your relationship with your teen child
strained or difficult?
Fostering healthy relationships is vital for the social and emotional well-being of teenagers. By promoting open communication, teaching empathy, setting boundaries, and being positive role models, parents can provide the necessary guidance and support for their teen to navigate the complexities of friendships. Your involvement and guidance as a parent plays a significant role in shaping a teenager’s social experiences and helping them establish meaningful connections with their peers.
Join Dr. Tibbs, as she provides an easy-to-read handbook based on personal parenting experiences as well as her professional experience as a pediatrician. Rest assured that your best parenting days are still ahead of you!
CORDS:
Reflections on Weaving the Tapestry of Life
Dr. Tibbs’ book is a powerful meditation on the meaning of family, identity, and community. There’s something beautiful about learning to love your culture and simultaneously cultivating in your children the awareness that everyone has a culture or heritage that is important to them.
